Self-sabotaging. Getting out of old self-defeating habits

Things seem to be going good in life, you feel good about yourself, people like you and there is a sense of abundance in your life.  Then… wham!  That other shoe drops and you knew it was too good to be true.  Something goes wrong.  Why?  Why does it always seem to happen to you?  Why can’t your life just go smoothly?

Let’s see how to take that saw out of your hand and just enjoy the view you worked so hard to get.

Why do we self sabotage anyways?  My thoughts are that it is based in fear that somebody will take it from you because they will figure out you don’t deserve to feel good.  You live in fear that somebody will ruin it so you ruin it before they do.  It’s your ego’s way of controlling the pain.  You are used to your old habits and ways fall off the branch.  You may have even prepared for this moment, knowing you would fall off the branch and put an air bag beneath before you tried to soften the fall.  You could develop skills like learning how to roll from the fall so it hurts but does not break something.  What this means is you prepared and planed to fail before you even started.  You are USED to failing so it feels comfortable.  You need to unconsciously be in control, even of your fear, your anger and your sadness.  When you self sabotage you are controlling these things you figure so you must be in control even if it is of something that is not healthy. 

Another reason we do these things is that we have low self-esteem and do not feel we deserve this joy.  Somebody is going to figure out that you are a loser our ego tells us, so if you call yourself a loser first and act like a failure, then they can’t call you one before you can call yourself one.   Here is one that many of us have but do not like to admit.  The need for excitement.   Yep I said it.  We need variety or we get bored.  Even when things are going well for too long, we need variety so we make it.  Unfortunately we make it in a dramatic and unhealthy way.  We should have a better form of growth than drama in our lives.

Well great….now what?

Here are some simple tips to help you get out of this pattern.  First notice and observe the negative self-talk.  You should have a cheerleader in your head not a critic that tells you everything you did wrong.  Catch yourself being hard on yourself but then reverse it.    Say something nice about yourself instead.  Need to control something?  Control the negative self talk and turn your mind into your cheerleader.

Don’t be so black and white about things.  Throw some colour in there.  Do you only have black and white clothing?  No.  Because you like the colours and the ability to express yourself.  There is always a level of success to anything you try.  Even if you fell in love and had your heart broken.  You found out you could fall in love again, that is an amazing display of courage, strength, faith and joy.  Get out of the black and white and move into the grey.  Move from the grey to the green, to the red to the blue and so on.  You just need a path out of the black and white.

Do not throw everything out because ONE thing went wrong.  See what was good about the situation.  Concentrate on what this opportunity gave you, not what it took from you.

Finally, I invite you to ask a simple question before you take any action.  “Is this problem inside my head or outside my head”?   What this does is allows you to see that the suffering you are about to preempt by self-sabotaging, may not be real.  If the suffering is in your mind from insecurity and fear, you have to change your mind not get your saw out.  If you were afraid you would be hurt and you ask if it is inside your mind or outside your mind and the answer is “outside, there is a fire in the kitchen”, then yes take appropriate steps to save yourself.  If the answer is “nobody said or did anything”, then you may want to retreat to your inner child and ask them why they are afraid.  Let the big boy or girl answer them, do not let the inner child control your adult life.  Respond to them with compassion but strength.  You were not there when they got hurt before as a child, but you are now.  Let them know that.

  There is a Buddhist quote that says “You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserves your love and affection”.  Be a better friend to yourself and know that most suffering is of the mind.   Take you out of the picture and ask yourself what you would tell a friend if they came to you with the same problem.  How would you advise somebody you loved?  Probably better than the way you were going to advise yourself. 

Replace the saw with love and prepare to succeed instead of fail and watch your life grow in love.  It is the natural law of the Universe.

Namaste,

Why do bad things happen?

Bad things.  They happen.  But why?  If there is this cosmic energy of love and a God to speak of,  how could such horrors happen?   Two words.  FREE WILL.  It is a catch 22.  You have the freedom to love and create the most beautiful things, but you also have the freedom to destroy.  Here in Calgary with the loss of  five year old Nathan O’Brien and his grandparents, Kathryn and Alvin Liknes, horror was created.  Let us keep in mind that these people were not just “their” child or “their” parents, they are our family too.  June 29, 2014 our family went missing.   Kathryn and Alvin were not just Nathan’s grandparents, but also a father and a mother, a brother and a sister, friends, co-workers, neighbours and they lost each other.  Nathan was a son, brother, a friend, a school mate, and the boy next door.  The impact is great.  Did they deserve what happened to them?  Nobody deserves to be murdered.  Nobody deserves to lose a child or a family member.  Then why does this have to happen?  All I can share with you is what I have seen from spending thousands of hours in meditation, with clients talking to the other side, teaching and in prayer.  If it brings you comfort, I am glad.  If you disagree and it gets you angry, I am still glad because it got you thinking and talking about what you do believe.

First those that have lost a child are the strongest souls here.  They are not the weakest.  They choose to go through the worse emotional pain that good people would know.  The loss of a child.  This does not make them victims of the universe, but displays their bravery at walking this path.   The child and the parent are not child and parent while in Heaven.  They are evolving Spirits that are traveling together as a family to serve and grow in understanding love.  If we have mastered it, we would not be here.  Nobody is going to go on a perfect mission.  We do our best.  But imagine how brave these souls are to go through this.  Do not send them pity and sadness, send them joy and strength and admiration.  They are a team of Angels on Earth that have brought forth a message that not just our city is taking note of, but a whole country.  People are keeping their families closer, people are sending love and prayers, people were helping to look for them and we banded together because one family was brave enough to fall apart.  Do not waste this opportunity.

Namaste,

Super moon in Capricorn - July 12, 2014

“Buck Moon”/ “Thunder Moon”

It is not news that humans have a connection with the moon.  Our world is affected by it from the rise and fall of the tides to the amount of sleep we get.  On average, most people will get 50 minutes less sleep during a full moon.

This summer is special because we will have three Super moons.  The first one is July 12, then August 10, and then finally September 9 2014.   A moon is considered a “super moon” when it makes its closest approach to Earth during its orbit.  It is a time known as the moon’s perigee.  The super moon that will actually produce the closest to Earth will be in August with a distance of 356,896 kilometers or 221,765 miles, at 11:44 am MST.  The actual term “super moon” first appeared in a 1979 astrology publication and people have been using the term to describe the beauty of the moon in perigee ever since.

Super moon in Capricorn is a very strong time for us.  The Sun is in Cancer bringing us the energy of the archetype of the Mother, and the Moon in Capricorn with the energy of the archetype of the Father.  Ahhh balance.  Sometimes though in order to find balance you must take some things away and add other things.  Do not get attached to things you must let go of.  Have faith that when you let go of this, you can receive that, whatever the THAT is that you need right now to find balance.

The full moon illuminates not just the earth but also the soul to help you find this balance.  Mother and Father often represent the home and feeling safe.  What do you need to feel safe right now?  What makes you feel unsafe and have to guard yourself?  The Sun in Cancer allows you to honour your feelings.  Reflect on them and see if they are a manifestation of your fearful ego, or the reality of a situation.  Parents rule us as children, but it is time to let go of

their rule and appreciate your chance to control your own life and emotions.   If we do not take control, others will.

A BUCK Moon is called so because a buck deer begins to grow new antlers.   Is it time to develop and grow your own path in life and shed how you got here to truly be here?  The THUNDER Moon is named so because of the many thunderstorms that take place in July.  It is ok to make some noises to make these changes.  Embrace them.  Thunder is caused by moister, unstable air and lift.   We can equate this to your tears, your thoughts of change and the joy of the change.  Remember that thunderstorms never last long, but are needed to find balance again. 

The atoms in our body are held together with light.  Light carries information.  The light from this Super moon will be shining this energy into your body and soul.  What you choose to do with this information is up to you as always.

Let the thunder role.

Namaste,