Stop Picking Up Other's Emotions

Emotions.  They are what makes life worth living.  They can be a double edged sword can't they?  In loving, you risk pain.  In living in joy, you also risk living in sadness.   Emotions means you are alive.  They are always moving and always flowing.  Without movement, there is stagnation and death.  You move.  Your body moves, it flows, it changes.  Your moods will too.  As human beings, we are dramatically affected by our environment.  Our environment can send signals to our brain on what type of hormone to trigger and thus setting our over all feeling of well being.

We don't mind this when we are in a great environment.  Who does not love to laugh, share ideas and feel like part of a community?  But we know life is not always like that.  Sometimes we find ourselves in a not so pleasant environment.  It can be at work, at school, even at home sometimes.

Do you let other people choose your emotions for you?  If you are happy and somebody else is angry, do you let go of your happiness and become angry too?  Don't think so?  Tell me if this situation sounds familiar.  You are having a good day, and somebody comes in grumpy and perhaps snaps at you.  Do you stop being happy and then wonder what is wrong with them?  Do you then defend yourself or justify yourself?  Do you pick up their mood?  Did your good day just go out the window?

Let's look at some ways to stop this from happening.  Most of us know we do that but are not exactly sure how to stop doing it.  We know HOW TO but  not how to STOP.  Let me take you through some step by step methods that have worked for me.  I have learned to change them instead of them changing me.  At the very least, I have learned to maintain my peace.  It is your the most valuable thing you own, do not give it away so freely then accuse them of stealing it.

Step One:
Make a list of what is important to you and what is not.  If somebody slams something down as a way to release frustration, does it really matter?  Not really, unless they slam you.  Perhaps slamming something is ok, but slamming you is not.  Letting go of frustration in a physical form is actually good as long as it does not hurt anybody or damage property.    Is raising their voice all right, but swearing is not?  Is your need for absolute peace going to stop others from feeling safe to express themselves too?   Make a list of  "this is ok, BUT this is not".  Give yourself some wiggle room.  It really is ok if for a moment or two you think somebody is angry at you.  Does not mean you have to get angry at yourself too or start justifying yourself to them.  A great quote is " it is none of your business what other people think of you".  Not an easy quote to follow, but a fair one all the same.

Step Two:  See their emotions instead of feeling them.  I "see" she is angry instead of I "feel" she is angry.  By the way, you could be wrong.  You could think she is angry when she is really just tired because a sick child kept her up last night.  Never assume you know other's feelings.  If you see and you want to know, ask them.  When somebody is upset it is usually because they think nobody cared that they got hurt.  When you ask them, they feel recognized and that they matter.    Try this exercise.  Look at the picture below.  First tell yourself  " I see you are sad".  Then try,  "I feel you are sad".  The goal is to not associate their feelings with yours.  See, not feel.  Go back over and over to this exercise till you can see it without feeling it.  Get the energy out of your heart chakra, and bring it into your third eye chakra, in between your eye brows.

Now try it with this little boy.  Do you notice the difference between the woman and the little boy feeling?  With the little boy you were probably sad then moved towards extending compassion.  You wanted to help, not just absorb their pain.  Follow through with the woman picture.  Send her strength from the Universe, not yours.  If you are sad for her, you are sending her pity,  and nobody wants that.  Send her strength from the Universe knowing she will be all right and this too shall pass with grace.  

Step Three:
Express what you need to people around you.   If yelling scares you, let your partner or people around you know.  You can tell them why, or not.  Some people are raised in houses where yelling is a form of communication and it does not bother them.  Others are not and it means something serious is about to happen or is happening.   Let them know that you go into panic mode when yelling occurs and you go straight to defence mode.  Go scream into a pillow first you can suggest to them to get that frustration out.  Does talking after a 5 minute cool down work better for you?    Sometimes explaining prior to incidents what your motivations are, helps them to understand your needs and theirs better.  If you order a salad at a restaurant you are not surprised when you get one right?  Let people know what you want so they can deliver it.  

Step Four:
Have a way out.  Give yourself a time limit to being in these situations.  You can simply say to somebody that is complaining again that you know they are resourceful and creative and that you know they will figure it out.  Wish them luck on it, sincerely mind you, and move away from that topic.  If somebody is saying the same story over and over again,  you can mention that you remember them telling you about that situation before and recount how it ended.  Get to the end before them.  That way they don't have to.  You can also play it simply by reminding them to stay positive.  If you cannot get out of the situation,  go to a happy picture in your head that brings you peace.  Hum your favourite song to get happy vibes in your head instead of theirs.  A Gandhi quote for this is wonderful,  “I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.”

Remember that it is up to you to maintain your peace, not anybody else.  Learn to meditate, take deep breaths and stay present.  Do not take things personally.   Witness, do not become.   Be compassionate not empathetic.   Is it funny that the root word of empathetic is pathetic and the root word of compassionate is passionate?   Just a thought.  If you would like more information about being empathic,  ask us about our online class about the top 30 mistakes most Empaths make.  It can be delivered right to your inbox!   Namaste

3 Signs You're Raising An Indigo

The world is changing.  Some want this change, and some are fighting it every step of the way.  Those that do not want the world to change will become dinosaurs.  They will fade off and die. The world will be left with us, and our children.  We are the change we want to see in the world.  This means our children are changing too.  Our children are being born more "awake" then we ever were.  "Awake" meaning that they have not forgotten where they are from.  They are born knowing we are all one and almost demand to be treated as such.  It may seem very weird to some of you to think that your 3 year old thinks that they deserve just as much respect as you do.  It is really weird? Do you meditate that we are all one, and ask for world healing, yet when you have an opportunity to show the youngest of our planet this grace, you protest and call them "undisciplined"?  They are saying that they are your equal, and you do not like it.  Let's look at three sure signs you are raising an Indigo that you might have missed as discipline problems.

Hate Being Told What To Do
They believe in freedom for everybody.  They do not like being told what to do because you have taken away their freedom.  They can get very temperamental and even throw things when forced to do something they did not want to.  This can be bedtime in younger children to curfew with older teenagers.    They seem to have a switch that just turns ON and there they go.  How can you avoid this?  Give them options.  Ask your child why they think its a good time for them to have the same bedtime each night.  They will tell you.  If they do not, prompt them, not tell them.  Suggestions for this are  "Are you usually happy or grumpy when you do not get enough sleep?"  This reminds them of the cause and effect.  They are very logical.  Work with that.  "Dont you want to have lots of energy to have fun at school tomorrow or with your friends?"  Let them answer.  For older children, ask for their input so that they are not feeling like a prisoner.  Ask them what they think is a reasonable curfew for instance and pre negotiate what the consequences are if that is broken.  Do this when they are not angry.  Do this when everything is calm.  If they agree to it,  you can let them know that you trust them to follow through with their agreement because you trust their word.

Knows When Anybody Is Lying
Really this is not such a bad thing, it is a great thing you think.... until they know when YOU are lying to them.  They are born in a vibration of truth and most are highly intuitive.  They know the vibration of truth and are just "off" when a lie is told.  They do not trust the person and can call you on it.  They can get so upset that you dared lied to them that they get angry and call you  "A LIAR".  Solution....don't lie.  Be honest, open and explain.   They will respect it.  Even if you said you were going to stop at a store and look for their favourite toy car and you told them they did not have any left.... they will know and call you a liar telling you that you did not even stop.  You are shocked, how could they know.  The better solution is to just tell them that you were tired and that you thought maybe they would like to go with you tomorrow to pick out the perfect one.  He may still be upset, but at least he trusts you.  Losing the trust of your Indigo is detrimental to how they see the world.  For older children,  you have to follow the golden rule.  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  Again, not such a bad thing.  They hate  one rule for them and one rule for you.    They need solid role models.  Do you tell your teenager how bad smoking is and then ground them but then they see you smoke yourself?  Do you tell them they have to answer your texts but do not get back to theirs in a timely matter?  You yell at them but how dare they yell at you?  Be fair.  Be patient and be the parent you know you can be.  Do not make it, what my father would call.... " A PISSING MATCH".    You will win the fight, but lose the battle every single time.

Has A Hard Time Sleeping
Their mind is hard to stop thinking and dreaming and creating.  They are high energy and you literally have to teach them how to fall asleep.  I have found that a lot of Indigo children and teenagers do better with just their mattress on the ground.  They tell me they feel safer that way.  Try it.   They are thinking of their mistakes they made that day and the mistakes others made.  They tend to be perfectionists and this can cause them to stop trying new things because they are not used to failing.  They feel rejected and take it very hard.  Their mind thinks of ways to improve things in and out of their life and their ON switch is hard to turn OFF.  Young children will love the routine of back rubs and soft music.  Teach them how to fall asleep.  No tv or screen time 45 minutes before bed.  Your brain needs 45 minutes to produce melatonin and if their is light shining in their eye, it signals the brain not to produce this hormone needed to sleep because they eye is screaming "Wait we are still working here!!!" Try buying some lavender oil and put it in a spray bottle with some sparkles and their favourite crystal.  Label it "sleep spray" and spray it before bed on their clothes and pillows.  Their mind will associate that smell with rest and relaxation.  It becomes a good habit.  Now older kids are a bit different.  You may need absolute quiet to sleep but they are the opposite.  They actually sleep better listening to music or with the tv on.  It is background or white noise to them.  It allows them to slowly switch off their mind.  They move from concentrating on the noise instead of thinking to getting tired.  This is not a solution but it helps.  Try asking them to listen to guided meditations at night or hypnotherapy sessions on youtube you  both approve of to help train them.  Trust me, nobody likes not being able to fall asleep.  They can get anxious about sleeping because it is so hard for them.  These kids need to be tired to sleep.  Exercise is important for their sleep, mood and growth.  Lavender oil mixed with some cream, rubbed on their feet helps.  Teach them some breath exercises such as the 4*7*8 to help cut the anxiety and train their brain.  These kids LOVE feeling in control of their choices, so tell them that you are teaching them to control their choice of sleep. 

 Click here to read more about the benefits of 4*7*8 breathing and how to do it

Having an Indigo Child gives you the ability to step up to the plate and be a better person under the microscope of their little hearts.  Rise to it.  They need you.  You need you.  We Need You!

If you need more help with your Indigo child, feel free to contact Angel Rogers who has been trained to deal with Indigos and raised three herself.  Her strategy is to train the parent, not the child, so you are always their hero.  You can book at thehomeofom.ca

What Is The Biggest Mistake Empaths Make?

Empaths.  What are they?  They are people that are more in tuned to others emotions.  They can tell what other people are feeling, by feeling their emotions.  Problem is that Empaths let other people change their feelings.  If you as an Empath are happy, if somebody comes in that is not happy, but angry instead, you let go of your happiness and become angry too.  If somebody is sad, you let go of your joy for their sadness.  Empaths think this makes them a "nicer" and more compassionate person.  Does it really though?    When does trading in joy for anger ever make anybody a better person?

What then happens is Empaths feel too much.  They feel everybody's feelings mixed in with their own.  They begin to lose the ability to tell if an emotion is their own or did they pick up another persons, animals or even an environments energy.  They get overwhelmed.  They feel tired, anxious and sad.  How can you fix what you do not know is broken?  How can you heal what is not sick?  This is the rutt Empaths get into.  They are not feeling well, they try to figure out why, but because it is not their energy, they cannot fix it.  If they cannot fix it, they continue to feel bad.  Then they isolate themselves or withdraw because they just cannot take anymore.  They need their rest.  They need to recover from wounds that are not even theirs.  Most well meaning people will recommend that Empaths "shield" themselves.  This means to protect yourself from other people's emotions by putting a shield around yourself.  The theory is that if you isolate yourself from others so you do not pick up their feelings.

Problem;  How do you feel feelings if you are afraid of them?  How do you protect yourself by putting yourself in a state of fear and low vibration?  How do you celebrate life if you are afraid of it?  By "shielding" yourself you are telling the Universe that you want to experience something to be afraid of.  How can you experience the choice you make to shield yourself without anything to be afraid of?  The universe listens to your decisions without judgement. You are asking them to send you something to protect yourself from. So you get it. You are creating the fear by fearing it.  Thus you are creating your own worse nightmare.  You  are walking around in fear, but then creating it.

You start to try to stop feeling feelings.  The only way to stop feeling pain is to stop feeling all together.  What is a better idea?  Realize that pain can be part of your joy.  Realize that recognizing pain at the first sign of it, you can deal with small issues and not let them turn to big ones you need to protect yourself from.  When you recognize your pain instead of ignoring it, you are more likely to make changes that move you towards joy. See, pain can lead to joy.   Most Empaths do not like confrontation so they let things pile up.  No more.  You are not doing any one a favour by not letting them know they hurt your feelings.  You are not helping them or yourself.  It breeds contempt and resentment.  How do they know they hurt your feelings if you do not tell them?  They are not Empaths.  They do not feel how you do.  Help them out.  Let them know.

Most Empaths feel unappreciated and overworked.  That is because they do so much for others, and do not feel the return.  This is generally because they do not know how to ask for what they want, so never get it.  They wait, and wait and wait.  But if you tell people you are fine, they believe you.  Take responsibility to teach people how to treat you.  You, like all others, have the right to joy.  Your job as an Empath is not to be an emotional toilet bowl for others.

Try this instead.  Instead of closing yourself in out of fear, expand your love instead.  Do not breath in their second hand emotions, but breath out love.  Observe them, do not become them.  If you start "feeling" a feeling that is not yours,  or are not sure if it is, ask.  Ask if it belongs to you or another.  If you had a fight with your sister, it is normal to feel upset.  If everything is fine, but you still feel upset, return the energy to the universe with Love.  Don't  analyze it or try to fix it.. just let the universe do it for you.  Expand yourself, do not try to make yourself disappear.  Grow.  Shine. Breath.  Live .  Do not feel the feeling, ask your intuitive self to hear or know what the other person is feeling instead of feeling it too.  If your friend looks sad, you are not going to help them by being sad too.  Ask your higher self what is going on, or better yet, ask your friend.  Maybe they are not sad at all but just tired.

Empaths are the next generation of the human race.  They are compassionate and strong and care about each other.  Peace, joy and justice is their religion. Everybody has a just right to be at peace, including them.  

Rethink your shield.  Do you want to run and hide, or shine and grow?  Don't just make something a block to your growth, make it a building block.  Climb over and enjoy life again.

Namaste,