Stop Picking Up Other's Emotions

Emotions.  They are what makes life worth living.  They can be a double edged sword can't they?  In loving, you risk pain.  In living in joy, you also risk living in sadness.   Emotions means you are alive.  They are always moving and always flowing.  Without movement, there is stagnation and death.  You move.  Your body moves, it flows, it changes.  Your moods will too.  As human beings, we are dramatically affected by our environment.  Our environment can send signals to our brain on what type of hormone to trigger and thus setting our over all feeling of well being.

We don't mind this when we are in a great environment.  Who does not love to laugh, share ideas and feel like part of a community?  But we know life is not always like that.  Sometimes we find ourselves in a not so pleasant environment.  It can be at work, at school, even at home sometimes.

Do you let other people choose your emotions for you?  If you are happy and somebody else is angry, do you let go of your happiness and become angry too?  Don't think so?  Tell me if this situation sounds familiar.  You are having a good day, and somebody comes in grumpy and perhaps snaps at you.  Do you stop being happy and then wonder what is wrong with them?  Do you then defend yourself or justify yourself?  Do you pick up their mood?  Did your good day just go out the window?

Let's look at some ways to stop this from happening.  Most of us know we do that but are not exactly sure how to stop doing it.  We know HOW TO but  not how to STOP.  Let me take you through some step by step methods that have worked for me.  I have learned to change them instead of them changing me.  At the very least, I have learned to maintain my peace.  It is your the most valuable thing you own, do not give it away so freely then accuse them of stealing it.

Step One:
Make a list of what is important to you and what is not.  If somebody slams something down as a way to release frustration, does it really matter?  Not really, unless they slam you.  Perhaps slamming something is ok, but slamming you is not.  Letting go of frustration in a physical form is actually good as long as it does not hurt anybody or damage property.    Is raising their voice all right, but swearing is not?  Is your need for absolute peace going to stop others from feeling safe to express themselves too?   Make a list of  "this is ok, BUT this is not".  Give yourself some wiggle room.  It really is ok if for a moment or two you think somebody is angry at you.  Does not mean you have to get angry at yourself too or start justifying yourself to them.  A great quote is " it is none of your business what other people think of you".  Not an easy quote to follow, but a fair one all the same.

Step Two:  See their emotions instead of feeling them.  I "see" she is angry instead of I "feel" she is angry.  By the way, you could be wrong.  You could think she is angry when she is really just tired because a sick child kept her up last night.  Never assume you know other's feelings.  If you see and you want to know, ask them.  When somebody is upset it is usually because they think nobody cared that they got hurt.  When you ask them, they feel recognized and that they matter.    Try this exercise.  Look at the picture below.  First tell yourself  " I see you are sad".  Then try,  "I feel you are sad".  The goal is to not associate their feelings with yours.  See, not feel.  Go back over and over to this exercise till you can see it without feeling it.  Get the energy out of your heart chakra, and bring it into your third eye chakra, in between your eye brows.

Now try it with this little boy.  Do you notice the difference between the woman and the little boy feeling?  With the little boy you were probably sad then moved towards extending compassion.  You wanted to help, not just absorb their pain.  Follow through with the woman picture.  Send her strength from the Universe, not yours.  If you are sad for her, you are sending her pity,  and nobody wants that.  Send her strength from the Universe knowing she will be all right and this too shall pass with grace.  

Step Three:
Express what you need to people around you.   If yelling scares you, let your partner or people around you know.  You can tell them why, or not.  Some people are raised in houses where yelling is a form of communication and it does not bother them.  Others are not and it means something serious is about to happen or is happening.   Let them know that you go into panic mode when yelling occurs and you go straight to defence mode.  Go scream into a pillow first you can suggest to them to get that frustration out.  Does talking after a 5 minute cool down work better for you?    Sometimes explaining prior to incidents what your motivations are, helps them to understand your needs and theirs better.  If you order a salad at a restaurant you are not surprised when you get one right?  Let people know what you want so they can deliver it.  

Step Four:
Have a way out.  Give yourself a time limit to being in these situations.  You can simply say to somebody that is complaining again that you know they are resourceful and creative and that you know they will figure it out.  Wish them luck on it, sincerely mind you, and move away from that topic.  If somebody is saying the same story over and over again,  you can mention that you remember them telling you about that situation before and recount how it ended.  Get to the end before them.  That way they don't have to.  You can also play it simply by reminding them to stay positive.  If you cannot get out of the situation,  go to a happy picture in your head that brings you peace.  Hum your favourite song to get happy vibes in your head instead of theirs.  A Gandhi quote for this is wonderful,  “I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.”

Remember that it is up to you to maintain your peace, not anybody else.  Learn to meditate, take deep breaths and stay present.  Do not take things personally.   Witness, do not become.   Be compassionate not empathetic.   Is it funny that the root word of empathetic is pathetic and the root word of compassionate is passionate?   Just a thought.  If you would like more information about being empathic,  ask us about our online class about the top 30 mistakes most Empaths make.  It can be delivered right to your inbox!   Namaste