It’s a tug of war isn’t it? There are moments where you love yourself and think you are amazing, then that little feeling creeps up to remind you that you are not. You go from feeling proud and happy to not wanting to leave the house and sitting there on the couch quite content to hate yourself for the evening. Why?
Does it sound off the wall to you that rejecting yourself is a way of protecting yourself from others rejecting you first? Hey it’s comfortable and not shocking when you do it right? When others do it, it can take a lifetime to recover. But what is it actually doing to you? Is it worth the cost? Some people go to the extreme of self-harming. Their inside emotionally pain is so much that they try to manifest and control the pain on the outside. It is a horrible thing to watch and even more horrible to go through. On top of that there is an air of shame around it so even if they do it, they hide it and feel worse about themselves. Now they can add embarrassment and shame to their unworthiness. Kind of back fired didn’t it?
(for more information on self harming read “ The Bright Red Scream”)
In a recent research article, Doctors found that the most common thing that upsets people is that they are different than others and in a negative way. It is important to survival to have a community to help us the brain tells us. If the community does not accept us it can mean death to the reptilian part of the brain that is responsible for fight or flight. It often tends to come out by feeling like an outcast or a fraud. That feeling that you don’t really belong or people don’t like you and are just pretending to and at any second the shoe could drop and the gig is up. You have a critical inner voice.
Dr. Robert and Lisa Firestone found that this inner critic usually comes from bad experiences as a child. We grow up identifying ourselves as failures. No parent or caretaker is perfect so we all have this. Imagine the confusion of one minute you are a good boy or girl because you listened and ate all your dinner, then the next minute you were a bad boy or girl because you did not pick up your toys. You were punished for the bad part so the good part could not have been worth more your little mind figures. You are judged on your misdeeds not your successes. We can all relate to this. It stops you from trying new things, accepting love because they might take it away, hard to accept compliments, and take constructive feedback as a hole through your heart.
How can we change this? Challenge this inner voice. DO not let it run untamed through your mind. We already know it’s a liar. It never helps you, it hurts you. Do not hand over your mind to it. Be aware when it is speaking to you and start to tell the difference between you and your inner critic. I named mine. Mine is “Stella”. I ask Stella to prove what she just said and most of the time she cannot so I dismiss her and take charge of my mind back. It feels great to put Stella in her place. Once Stella keeps losing, she does not want to fight as much anymore. FIRE HER!
Time for a replacement. Imagine how much your life would change if instead you had an inner critic you had a cheerleader???? Disassociate with the mean thoughts and replace them with positive ones. “NO YOU CANT” turns to “YES YOU CAN GO FOR IT”.
Signs it’s your inner critic and not just common sense include.
- It lies
- Has no back up
- Is never pleased
- Never helps you get ahead
- Makes you scared
- Brings you down not up
- Makes ridiculous rules
- Pushes you to do things you are not comfortable doing
- Makes you feel you are not acceptable unless it’s perfect
Let’s face it. Your inner critic is not somebody you want to identify. Stop this. Allow yourself to identify with your true self instead. You are a Spirit that is so full of love and deserves to be loved in return. End of story. This story does not need a critic.
Namaste,
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